i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
