you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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