drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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