Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
