its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
