I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
