friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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