I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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