someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
