so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
