The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
