Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
