Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He has the fingertips of a God
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