Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
