I'm drive I can fine osifer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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