It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
