I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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