I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
