Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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