I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
