my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
