you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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