I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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