i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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