Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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