i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
