So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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