For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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