She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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