Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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