hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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