She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can't just leave with hair like that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
