So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
