Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
