did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
