i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
