hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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