There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
