Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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