I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's the barista slut.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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