I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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