Please, let me fuck your mom
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
