i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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