She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
