I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
