we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
