my phone needs a breathalizer
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She bit a glass in half.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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