wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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