Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
