I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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