when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
