In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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