this just has baby written all over it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
