Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
