i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
